I grew up with the most wonderful mothers of all. A strong woman raised in adversity. There was so much I could learn from her.
Despite all that, she was this tiny woman and I started to struggle. Weight didn't just stay off me like it did for her and lots of others. It clung to me if I wasn't careful. So, I was careful.
Despite all that, I was having a good time. I was in junior highschool and rocking tons of awesome friends.
However, even through all this I knew I was "too" obsessed with what I was eating...
Few people were aware of my true struggles.
I dropped to just over 100 lbs and had blackout spells when I stood up. Hair was coming out, hair was growing in (on my arms). I knew what that meant...It wasn't until I stayed at my Aunt's for 2 wks and my mom came to pick me up that she commented that I had become "too skinny" and if I didn't get it together she would need to put me a hospital. That scared me back to eating, but did not change my unhealthy perception about food
I went through highschool putting on 30 lbs and then for the remainder of my time desperately trying to diet to lose at least 15 lbs of it. The scariest part for me was the couple months I developed bulimia.
But I graduated (that's me at the left end of the podium giving a speech I did not want to give)! And it was time for college. This seemingly meant a "new beginning" with a chance to reinvent myself.
It ended up being that I was always stressing about my classes which resulted in binge-type food consumption that (no longer bulimic) I would mentally berate myself over for the rest of the day.I would then try to fast/workout to get rid of all the excess I consumed. But I knew I was putting on weight.
So, where am I now? I'm still in college (just finished my sophomore year). My weight is still much higher than I'm happy with. But I know now, that if I want to be truly happy it's not only going to be about changing my body but changing my mindset about food. A lot of that I may spew into this blog (this whole section has been therapeutic) and I may sometimes slip back into dangerous habits but hopefully with this blog I'll be able to share my journey to health, happiness, and fitness!